20 years old. Strong willed. Babies of the family. Opinionated. Controlling. Just a few words the hubs and I had in common. But we also share: Dedicated. Playful. Hard working. Apologetic.
I guess no matter the age, you think you know who you are marrying. You can't imagine those cute things in dating turning into the thing that makes you want to shove your dearly beloved in a closet--like all the hyper energy, or how they always loose their keys (these are just hypotheticals. Chad and I do not lose things. The two things we have lost over 16 years we've blamed my brother for- that's just fun!)...
Growing up my dad would say "who they are now, is who they will be". This was good dating advice for a girl. How often do girls think they can change a boy!? If he is lazy when you are dating, he's going to stay lazy. If he has anger outbursts, they will be harder to justify when you are in covenant with the man.
There is one thing I've found that does change a person and I'm going to list out the steps:
1. Shut up
2. Pray
3. Stay shut up
Before you get your tail feathers ruffled because shutting up means not getting to have a voice, let me tell you that's not even true. You have a voice with the God of the universe! He listens to every thing (bless his heart) we have to say. Besides when did someone telling you what to fix change who you were?
Now this only works as a three step process. I tried just doing step one. That made me bitter. I got a little wiser and added step two. But then I griped to my sweet man about how he wasn't doing what my prayers were requiring him to do(prayers he didn't even know about!). Then I added step three. That's the sweet spot.
This world we live in tells us we should say anything and everything we think, that we are entitled to a voice. Oh but worldly truth isn't Jesus truth. And praise God for that! His truth does not follow trends. It stands the test of time!!!
“Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.”
Proverbs 13:3
“If only you could be silent! That’s the wisest thing you could do.”
Job 13:5
“Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.”
Proverbs 17:28
“Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.”
Proverbs 21:23
Clearly Proverbs is about the tongue. It stresses we need to guard it. What, then, can we do with our tongues?
“Instead, glorify his mighty works, singing songs of praise.”
Job 36:24
Let my tongue sing about your word, for all your commands are right.”
Psalms 119:172
*insert almost any psalms here!*
I've been practicing this process for about seven years. Learning to rely on Jesus is always a challenge especially in the area of the mouth. But I will tell you that he has indeed turned my mourning into dancing! Areas that I grieved in my marriage, God has revived and made alive!
I have more to add to this HOT topic but I want you to just sit on this offensive idea for a minute or two.
*There are plenty of resources out there to help guide your prayer path for your spouse. Send me a message if you'd like to know which one I use.
***disclaimer: if you are an abusive relationship please seek wise counsel immediately.
Love this! And my parents gave me the same advice too...who they are how is who they will be. Although I have learned in the last almost 20 years, that prayer can change a lot! And I have to just throw out this funny story... When Jeff and I first started dating, like literally one of our first dates together was camping together with some friends at Possum Kingdom Lake. We were supposed to leave to come back to Abilene on Sunday afternoon and low and behold Jeff Hallmark could not find the keys to his Jeep that we came in. I am not exaggerating, we spent several hours combing the campsite, the lake, the bathrooms, everywhere we could possibly think of to find those darn keys because there were no rent a car places open on a Sunday afternoon at PK and we both had to work the next day. We seriously drove around to every single campsite, asking people if they had found a set of Jeep keys. And I kid you not, Kelsey Grammer had found our Jeep keys! I don't know if it was the real Kelsey Grammer from cheers or not, but it sure looked and sounded like him! I think Jeff might have asked him for an autograph. So I knew way back then that this man of mine that I love so dearly, loses things. He loses really important things. And he has been losing really important things for the last almost 20 years! But that's okay with me, I knew that was the man I was marrying. But every single time he loses something, I tell him to call up Kelsey Grammer. Lol! :-)
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