Yo mama

At 36 when things hurt, I want my mom. I want to put my head on her squishy lap while she played with my hair with her cigarette smelling fingers (the choice was always hard because then my hair would smell but mommas lap and hair play won every time).

There's something about mom isn't there? Who else knows you at your worst- I mean sure, Chad has seen me sick but did he have to redo my socks 9.2 million times when I was 5 to get the seam just right? A couple of close friends have seen me ugly cry but my mom is the one that experienced the years where crying one minute and screaming the next in one ball of confusion was normal.

Bless.

Maybe that's why she smoked.

Chad and I don't have moms on earth anymore. Sadly, sometimes it takes not having to know what you had. Day to day living just kind of has the ability to drown out blessings if we aren't careful. Then one day we wake up and we don't have it anymore.

As heavy as this is, I'm not writing to you because I'm sad. I'm writing because I need you to hear the urgency in my challenge to you.

Talk to your mom.

I mean TALK to her.

You are her baby. She loves you. Moms give you their lives (and all the moms said?). They spend sleepless hours worrying about made up scenarios to prevent said predicaments for you. When you laugh their hearts could burst with joy! When you cry they just want to hold you, wishing their love alone could take away your heartache.

When I couldn't get pregnant I didn't open up to my mom about it. I wanted things to be fine. Harping on it or answering questions was NOT something I was interested in. I locked my elbows to assure mom stayed at arms length. I regret not letting her in. Despite having a million reasons why, that made sense to me in the moment, I should have pushed past them because moms want to be apart, and truthfully I needed the comfort only a mom can give. 

Talk to your mom. She wants to know what makes you light up! Tell  her what hurts you. How lonely you feel or what stresses you out. Send her a goofy faced picture just for fun to open up playfulness in your relationship.

Let her know you. Not the "my favorite color is" kind of know. The deep wells of your soul. Once upon a time she was what helped you tick, now let her know. It's her delight!!!!

PS just for fun I had to share- my mom was always up for a call from me, even middle of the night because she was literally up for who knows why. I am the opposite. The night it is for sleeping, not rearranging furniture, crafting, or taking a bath. The irony that I couldn't sleep and wrote this at the wee hours in the morning, is pretty comical.  

Blessings. And Call Yo Mama