Tug of war

As a mom, do you ever just feel buried in failure?

Today hasn't even been a day where the kids are crazy. I just feel suffocated in the icky feelings that come along with "not doing it well."  Tug of war is what mothering feels like. Balancing their needs and emotions with what God has charged you with to pour into them. And then you are supposed to just surrender your own opinions. If you've been reading long you know shutting up seems to be a theme in my life and one I only begrudgingly, I mean joyfully obey...

Mommin means I respect my kids when they want to stop kissing me and get creative with how I can still show affection. More tug of war. More me not getting what I desire.

Tug of war is exhausting. I was always the kid that gave up and let go because it hurt my hands, I never cared about winning. Now I feel like I'm in the rope pulling battle of my life and I can't let go. Because I want to win this one...my kids need me to keep hanging on... Jesus is asking me to stay locked in.

But as I tug and pull and grunt my way through this "game" I am exhausted and feel like I've already lost... yet something keep me holding on past the burning in my hands as I cling on.

Jesus.

He's asking me to stay in.

My dear friend says often "being a bad parent is easy, just let the kids do whatever they want." Let go of the rope. Walk away. Go get that corporate job you would've been badass at. Where you make enough money to PAY someone to do the crap jobs you don't want to do. Wait-that was my future...

Here's to all the yoga pants wearing, exhausted, tug of warring moms. Here's to a new day with new endurance. Here's to a God big enough to help us feel seen when the only thing we may feel accomplished in is completing the pile of laundry. And as I cheer us all on, remember, as long as we stay hands locked in we are GUARANTEED the win.

For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith. And who can win this battle against the world? Only those who believe that Jesus is the Son of God.
‭1 John‬ ‭5:4-5‬