In case you ever got the idea that my children are the perfect unaffected adopted kids, that their past experiences don't sneak up and bite us all on occasion-don't. We've walked through this journey of adoption after CPS with a great guide and without Jesus we wouldn't be standing upright much less with rejoicing.
It is a tricky balance of disciplining with grace while not giving a crutch to the things of the past. A few years ago the Lord had me stop telling people outright that the boys are adopted. I love our story and was thrilled at Gods gifts, however He tenderly gave me a glimpse into how Satan could use that (as a crutch, excuse, rejection...). To be honest I begrudgingly obeyed...
To the outside world our kids are fantastic. To us they are too. But there are these moments that will fade in our memory over time that remind us that as tiny little bean sprouts they were not cherished, anticipated, wanted. And though they are fully ours (I mean we forget they are adopted!) those reminders come crashing down on this mommas heart. I would've loved them in my belly. I would've snuggled with them in the middle of the night. Made sure they were fed, clean, secure...
This is when I remember, I hear father God say, I was there.
And I can't be more grateful.
beautiful!
ReplyDelete