I laughed when I phrased it that way, but spiritual puberty is exactly what I feel like I am going through... You see, I have been running for 10 years, consistently for 8. Running carried me through the anger of my parents divorce, the disappointment of no pregnancies, the earth shattering ding dong ditch version of becoming a mother, the ruthless attempts from satan to fling something at me and let it stick, moms death... Running cleared my mind, fatigued my body, and provided a sliver of my day to be spent just me and JC covering miles of pavement.
And then this summer, it began slipping away.
And I was terrified.
Every runner has slumps, but this was different. This felt like grieving after a burial. I continued to push through with the "pull yourself up by your boot straps" attitude because dangit my flesh doesn't get to decide when I'm done. But the longer I chewed on it, the more I knew this wasn't my flesh. My heavenly Father was calling an end to a [fruitful but done] season. I was not just sad, I was mad! Running has been so good to me! Running has kept my weight in check! It gave me goals! What the HECK Lord!?!?!
But I obeyed. Begrudgingly. Because honestly, I would rather be out of shape and chubby than disobedient. Despite having one more 1/2 marathon (PAID FOR) I obeyed.
Then I had to sit and rest. That's what He asked of me. I was not a happy girl. I would prefer Him to call me to build a house than to sit and rest. I like "DO". I like "complete". I like "go get 'em!"
Weight gain has happened... Which awakens more ugly in me. I am mad that He took this way. In a snap He could shift it all. Annoyance with myself comes next, because I know He is a loving Father and doesn't just chunk me into the deep without accompanying and equipping. After the tantrum (that may involve crying, rebellious eating, and mouthing off) I finally resolve I will praise Him in all things.
The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble, He cares for those who trust in Him. Nahum 1:7
Signed,
sixteen going on seventeen
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